A Total Lack of Motivation



Since my (exclusively) wheelchair days I’ve been prone to various infections. The human body wasn’t designed to sit in a chair all day and it rebels by throwing itself under the bus. Upper respiratory infections have been my biggest problem and it looks like I’ve got another. Right now I’m really suffering from a total lack of motivation. But feeling sick isn’t the only reason.

Right now I have all the get-up-and-go of a rock. And the weekend didn’t help at all. Remember my very recent post on the dangers of summer? Well, Saturday the temperatures here were in the high 90’s. There were multiple “air quality” and heat advisories for the day so naturally I went out to the garden. Not in the very early morning hours or in the early evening but in the middle of the day.

The plan was just to look around to see what I needed to do when the heat was less intense. That was the plan. But I saw some green beans ready to be picked so I picked them. Then I noticed the peas, sugar snaps, cucumbers, and red cabbage that just couldn’t wait to be picked. I do most of my gardening sitting and scooting from spot to spot so, in spite of the fact that it was incredibly hot but I still had the moronic idea I wasn’t really doing that much. Then suddenly I realized I was soaking wet. Not just sweaty but drenched. I felt my neck and it was cold and clammy. It was not a good thing. Gathering my precious vegetables I staggered to my feet. I immediately got a throbbing headache.

Once inside any sensible person would have gotten ice water and sat in front of a fan in the air conditioning but I’m sometimes not at all sensible. Instead of cooling off I decided it was absolutely imperative that I immediately blanch the vegetables I wanted to freeze. There’s nothing like sitting over a pot of boiling water while your body is dangerously overheated to improve heat exhaustion.After about an hour of cleaning, trimming, and blanching the vegetables I finally got a drink and sat down in the breeze of the fan.

Having been stung earlier in the day by a wasp that clearly had the soul of serial killer, I wasn’t having a great day anyway but the heat exhaustion I gave myself was the cherry on the top of my really bad Saturday. My finger, where the wasp stuck its poison-laden stiletto, was swollen to the point I couldn’t bend my finger. The venom seemed to have settled in the joint and the nail and they throbbed steadily. I could have danced to it.

Our youngest son stopped by and gave me his standard, “I love you but you’re kind of an idiot” kind of talk. Although he didn’t say it he clearly thought a woman “of my age” shouldn’t be out in the middle of a blazing hot day doing chores. Instead of should have been sitting in a rocking chair with a fluffy, white cat on my knee while I listened to the radio.

The rest of the weekend went equally as well.

Then, yesterday, his girlfriend sent a text offering herself and her daughters as unpaid labor. She told me they’d work in the garden (Too late. I’d already been out there.) or do housework. Our son was already here taking care of some chores in the basement. I was reluctant initially. I feel very strange when people are doing my work while I sit around. She assuaged my guilt by telling me that the girls were in trouble and she was making the rounds of relatives making them work as punishment. Suddenly I felt I was not being lazy. I would be helping to mold the future generation by showing them the value of following rules and teaching them the pride that comes with hard work. Okay then!

The girls dusted, vacuumed, swept, and mopped. Their mom helped me blanch the vegetables I’d picked earlier in the morning. Our son found things I wanted to use in the garden that had been lost in the basement. Before long everything was ship-shape again!

To top off the day my husband and I were told that we were to go to our son’s house for dinner. That meant no cooking and no dishes! It was heaven! I was certain I’d leap out of bed today totally refreshed and ready to take on the world.

It didn’t happen. Today I’m back to sitting like a rock trying to get up the energy to go to the doctor. I know I should. It will take days for me to feel like doing anything after I get medication. I really, really need to go so I can do everything that needs to be done. And I will go. Right after I take a nap.



Author: Elizabeth

I'm a wife, mom, and grandma (known as Bam) who loves cooking, baking, gardening, and all things that go into making a cozy coop for my brood. I have a disability so you may pick up tips on how to do things when some things just don't work right!

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